November 11, 2008
Stuck Between Barack And A Hard Place
I’m not too thrilled with the news that the Democrats may very well let Joe Lieberman slide for all of his craven ass-kissery with the McCain campaign. On one hand, I can understand the Dems not wanting to waste too much time with infighting, seeing as how that’s what the Republicans have been doing since the primaries, and also taking into consideration all the battles ahead if the currently hotly-contested Senate seats don’t go blue.
But on the other hand, fuck Joe Lieberman. That backstabbing two-faced little toad started his temper tantrum back when Ned Lamont fired a shot across the bow and kicked off a bid for Lieberman's own seat in CT and hasn’t stopped squealing since, having taken the stage with John McCain to throw barbs at his party’s presidential nominee, entering that gaudy whore’s den we called the RNC to deliver an address on McCain’s behalf, and even standing onstage and saying a few words alongside Caribou Barbie herself, Sarah Palin, that were shots at Barack Obama.
This isn’t just sour grapes coming from someone who wholeheartedly voted for Obama and can’t stand the current crop of Republicans, folks. This is assbackwards spinning - nay, a political game of Twister - on Lieberman’s behalf, and they’re probably going to let him get away with it. Not only did they catch him with his hands in the cookie jar, there’s video of him gorging away and jacking off into the jar afterwards. Sure, there’s also the completely understandable concern about stripping Lieberman of his chairmanship and further making him a martyr that’s only more likely to run for solace within the doddering, clammy, sexual predator-esque arms of the GOP, but at this point: is it THAT much of a loss?
Look, Dems. You don’t have to make a debacle out of this. We don’t need to tar and feather Lieberman and run him out of DC on a rail. It’s much more simple than that.
You can call a secret session, where Lieberman enters the room and finds it to be pitch-black save for a sole spotlight honing down on Barack Obama, who is seated in a plush chair at the head of the room, nothing around him except for a microphone. Joe can stutter and give all kinds of bullshit reasoning for bucking the party lines and smooching up to the right-wing – even the farfetched idea of McCain offering Lieberman a foursome with Meghan, Cindy, and Sarah Palin won’t suffice. Joe will endlessly plead for absolution, and Obama can sit and yawn and endure his crap, only punctuating his impassioned defense with three words.
“Kiss the ring.”
And Lieberman will slowly wander his way through the dark, toward what he sees to be the only salvation of his dignity and political career. He’ll stoop down to his knees as Obama extends his left hand to reveal a big-ass glittering skull ring on his middle finger, right next to his wedding band. Joementum will pucker up, tears of gratitude slowly meandering their way down his cheeks, and touch his crusty little lips to the cool metal.
And then the lights will come on.
The entire room will be bathed in fluorescent light, revealing the entire Democratic party, all with thick rulers in their hands – the type that used to be wielded by nuns and that still haunt the dreams of many a practicing Catholic or ex-Catholic. Chuck Schumer and Harry Reid will grab him by each arm, slam him down onto the nearest table, drop his Brooks Brothers trousers to reveal boxer-briefs with John McCain’s face and hearts on them, and they’ll all line up to take a swing, starting with Rahm Emanuel just because he wants to remind everyone what an ornery, rabid little fucker he is. He’ll scream with partisan rage while caning the shit out of Lieberman’s pruny little ass, and everyone will cringe – and then take their turn.
Lieberman can still stagger out of there with a slightly bruised ego and a torn-up set of asscheeks, and nobody will be any the wiser save for a couple of days of seeing Joe on CSPAN perched upon a hemorrhoid donut, bowing and scraping to the Democrats just like he did the McPalin campaign and the Republican Party for the past couple of years.
Or you guys can drop the fucker like a bad habit and let the chips fall where they may.
I’d prefer that, but if not, I’ll settle for cheap cellphone video of the scenario I just described. I promise that I won’t be too picky.
Seriously, guys, we voted you into office. Time to put up the dukes and get going.
Posted by Jake at November 11, 2008 05:44 AM
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