October 23, 2008
Okay, here's a rundown about life, starting at 12:15 PM.
-Need to poop.
-This sandwich officially tastes like barf. I think it's the pesto aioli.
-CHUD is going to fucking fire me if I don't get this DVD review in by Saturday. I also have way too many movies in queue to watch. Between everything that I've DVRed and everything that people have given to me, I need to take a week off of work just to watch stuff.
-Work is boring. I already processed $13,000 worth of invoices, scheduled three meetings, and am debating over whether or not to go to the gym now for my lunch break or wait until 2:00.
- I wasted an hour on campus earlier today while getting my new ID badge for my hot, sexy, steaming promotion to Admin Specialist(dolla dolla bills, y'all) because the computer system went down faster than Jenna Haze during a porn shoot. Such great technology around this place.
- (Update, 12:50 PM) The toilet paper in this building makes me feel like I'm wiping my ass with a sun-scorched portion of Hollywood Boulevard - discarded syringes, broken glass, hipster douchebags, Walk of Stars, tourists, and transsexual hookers included.
-If the Republicans manage to steal this election, I'm going to strangle myself to death with my own bare hands. Sorry, but I can't bear to see Grandpa Simpson and Caribou Barbie taking the oath. Even though she's a woman, I get the faint impression that she hates women. And learning. Besides, anyone who openly promotes a constitutional ban on gay marriage should be hit in the head with a rake. Additionally, I can't wait until all this shit is over. I've chewed my fingernails down to the quick, can't stay away from political news for more than an hour without getting the shakes, and have a deep, lasting fear of voter fraud/intimidation/apathy on November 4th.
-The new TV On The Radio album is still bumpin' on my mp3 player. I try to get rid of it, and it comes back like a sexy venereal disease that may have been given to me by Prince during the best 30 seconds of my life.
-Rachel Maddow is pretty amazing. It was dope as fuck watching her practically cane Pat Buchanan's little wrinkled boiled ham-looking ass on her show last night after he howled about how unqualified Joe Biden was to be VP candidate. Between that and her backhanding that little neoconservative toad David Frum when he tried to make some sort of half-assed referendum WHILE ON HER SHOW about the tone of her show and the concept of mockery and humor in political discourse, I may have an unbearable crush on that woman. Even if she does prefer the vajeen.
-I vastly prefer Facebook to MySpace. Sorry, MySpace. It's not you, it's me. I think we just need to start seeing other people.
-I have an unhealthy obsession with the comments on Onion's AVClub blog. They're all retarded, and it's glorious.
-Still don't understand why my co-workers piss and moan about me reheating salmon and broccoli in the break room microwave while they get to bring in all kinds of stinking greasy junk from whatever fast-food chain they decide to patronize that day. It's just weird.
-I really need to stop dicking around and write more.
-I have had entirely too much coffee today. I feel like I've been mainlining Ritalin and could gnaw my way through my monitor right now. And is there nothing more depressing than decaffeinated coffee? Once you go decaf, the "everything is awesome and I rule" part of your life is officially over.
-I just realized that "Gnaw" backwards is "wang".
-Everything is awesome and I rule.
Posted by Jake at October 23, 2008 01:30 PM
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