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October 22, 2008

Confession

Confession time:

I haven't been to the gym consistently in about a month and a half.

I've been letting my diet slip horribly, even though I dropped ten pounds on a friend's diet plan (carb cycling rules). I still look like shit, and I'm wondering how much of that ten pounds was water weight. I look somewhat loutish and paunchy, and have lost strength. I can still deadlift 365 lb., it's just way harder. I can still squat 315 lb, but I can't pull it off of the rack and do reps with it like I could earlier this year.

I've just let myself slip, period, in quite a few ways.

I used to subscribe to Henry Rollins' idea that: "I believe that one defines oneself by reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself."

Well, I've definitely reinvented myself - into a fairly unhealthy, weak-willed, and overweight person.

Today I walked to the store on my lunch break. I was disgusted with how I felt constantly slightly out of breath, even though I walk pretty fast. I stood under the sun in the burning heat and realized how long it had been since I threw myself completely into something to the point that I was a complete sweaty wreck by the time I was done.

I miss that.

So, it's time to fix some shit. I've got some thinking and planning to do, but I'm going to stick to it this time around. I need to stick to it.

I'll do a few physical things this week(mostly going to focus on getting my mind right), but next week is when the fun really starts. I'm going to restart Waterbury's Total Body Training, up the cardio, and clean up my diet...AND STICK TO IT. No more three cheat days in a row, no more justifying things by saying "Eh, I'll work it off later".

I need to prove to myself that I can do this. Again. I've got all I need upstairs, I just need to put that shit to use and stop making excuses.