March 16, 2008
Dear Hipster Douchebag,
Thank you for stopping right in the driveway of our parking garage while I was attempting to back in. Your stone gaze at the back of the RAV4 was almost awe-inspiring, and the way that you took a huge drag off of your cigarette in a very stoic, manly way while NOT MOVING probably melted at least three uteruses within 10 feet of you, two of which actually belonged to squirrels.
I duly apologize for cutting into your moment of deep introspection by rolling down my window and screaming "I'M TRYING TO PARK HERE, CAN YOU MOVE?!?" Your immediate reaction of ambling out of the driveway and turning to face me as I passed was pretty awesome too, and I'm sure that you were ready, steeling all of your powerful might in preparation to kick my pasty 100 lb. ass. I also didn't mean to frighten you by getting out of the car and stomping toward you, but I'm sure you were still planning on maybe kicking my ass later as you turned tail and started walking away really quickly. That's not a problem, I can arrange it, just have your people call my people and I'll line up so that you can let loose with all of your stringy, anorexic hipster rage and maybe channel it into a vigorous slap to my pectoral muscles.
Thanks for your display of manliness,
The Killing Machine
Posted by Jake at March 16, 2008 11:32 PM
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