Raging Texan







February 17, 2008

Mass Effucked

I'm taking advantage of the long weekend to take care of all of my errands. It's pretty refreshing.

...Okay, I'm a liar. I'm replaying Mass Effect, and it's still pretty fun considering that I've basically restarted it twice. My latest colossal screw-up was not ramping up my techs' decryption abilities and scratching my head wondering why I couldn't break into the armory locker of Colonel Hackdicks from the Fuckface Division.

I've also taken it upon myself to make the completely mature decision of choosing to bone the human chick this time instead of the alien-chick. Sorry, Liara, but "Once you go blue, you never go back" is a lie. It's sort of telling that in order to woo the human female, Ashley Williams(hurrr Evil Dead reference, there are never enough of those in videogames these days), you have to be a racist(human-racist? You have to hate aliens.) God-squaddie who loves killin'. Who is this fucking woman anyway, the future demon-seed of Dick and Lynne Cheney?

Either way, your rampant screwfest right before the end isn't much to call home over, as seeing your doppelganger bare-assing it with an alien or a surprisingly shapely Neo-Republican through a very blurry filter is probably worth about 0.23 nanoseconds in the average male's spank bank. This is problematic. Therefore, I plan to write a letter to Bioware in which I outline the need for them to make the sequel with an option where you can fuck your way throughout space without firing a single shot, cumshots notwithstanding.

Don't like the way that salarian general is treating his Krogan detainees?

Rape him.

Once you free the detainees? They will grovel at your feet and beg for your angry piston-like pelvic thrustings.

Rinse and repeat...throughout the entire galaxy.

It will be the game that makes Jack Thompson fling himself from a bridge in a fit of rage. Don't let me and the rest of the gaming community down, Bioware. You understand your mission now. Go forth and make it reality.

Posted by Jake at February 17, 2008 06:05 PM

Comments
Odessa

*blink* Better on a game than in real life I suppose. I agree that if one of the major selling points for most people is the chance to bang a chick they should at LEAST make it worth the said buyer's time.

I keep thinking of how this video game would be if it truly had a Leisure Larry tone to it. Heh. Great graphics, lots of sex... what more can you ask for? Oh yeah, lots of shooting.

Posted by: at February 17, 2008 06:26 PM
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Posted by: at August 18, 2009 04:30 AM
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Could you help me. You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.
I am from Islands and learning to speak English, give please true I wrote the following sentence: "Blank gant chart, song r&b day for six meetings, scoring brown at the homicide of a great record that ended fourth iid tempo."

With best wishes :D, Mac.

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I saw on the news that the money they dumped at Shire was fake, to represent the money he had raised. It wasn't the actual money.


Er, are you having trouble posting something?

If you just want to test out the story creation process, you can go all the way up to 'publish this story' before it goes live on the site.

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Notice that the Chinese know how to do a stimulus package, while no one in power seems to know how to do a stimulus package here in the US.

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Thanks for sharing. His music will continue to rock!

I think you need a bit more of a story with this as this isn't really a news story in its current form. Perhaps you could write about why you like Michael so much?


It is hard to say such a thing is clear.

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I think most Americans and residents of the planet in generalwould prefer to leave '08 in the dust.there were plenty of jobs several years ago when he decided just to hang out at home drinking while you worked all the time.

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I think most Americans and residents of the planet in generalwould prefer to leave '08 in the dust.there were plenty of jobs several years ago when he decided just to hang out at home drinking while you worked all the time.

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I think most Americans and residents of the planet in generalwould prefer to leave '08 in the dust.there were plenty of jobs several years ago when he decided just to hang out at home drinking while you worked all the time.

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