February 14, 2008
Everyone likes to think they’re smarter than everyone else. I admit to being one of the worst offenders of this, even though I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just that half of the time I feel like I am smarter than half of the people I deal with on a daily basis. Maybe it’s just because I’m an asshole. I’m not sure.
But this video clip skeeved me out. Mainly because a TV show exists that is titled “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader”. And because it’s hosted by Jeff Foxworthy, a guy who built his career on jokes about people with the collective IQ of a 5th grader: rednecks.
Nevermind that, though. I used to be somewhat of a fan of shows like “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”, mainly because our culture rewards us for knowing mostly useless trivia and facts, and I used to know a lot of mostly useless trivia and facts, as do most of the other folks who tune in to such shows. It’s something easy where John and Jane Doe can sit down and wrack their brains along with the people on the tee-vee and then mock the person for not getting the question right, while later cursing their life and asserting that they could have at least gotten to the $10,000 question if they ever had the chance.
This show, though, seems to be dropping the intellectual bar even further. Fuck it, are there even bars left? Is there really an audience for this sort of thing?
We have adults matching wits with fifth graders, here. Not to downplay the intelligence of the average fifth grader, but when I was a fifth grader, I thought that Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat were the pinnacle achievements of filmmaking. In short, I was kind of an idiot, and so were most of my peers. Not much has changed in my mental hemisphere, but hey, I was a kid! I didn’t have to burden myself with anything except for school and first boners and falling off of my bike and things of that nature.
But the mere idea of having a TV show where people show up to get outwitted by a goddamn ten year-old kid just makes my blood run cold. It’s like we keep dipping lower and lower on the brain curve, and within ten years “Are You Smarter Than A Down Syndrome Teen” will premiere shortly after American Idol Season 356, where two different breeds of idiot can face off. Once the tard-wranglers can corral the one, they’ll roll out the opposing contestant, which will be whichever lucky obese translucent viewer they can fit through the cargo doors and shove up onstage without getting a hernia.
Whichever contestant wipes the food-flecked spittle from their chin first will be crowned the winner. Half the time, it will be the retarded kid, because at least they’re spry and blessed with tard strength.
And the whole “5th Grader” clip just feels forced and staged to me. Maybe it’s due to having been disconnected from television for so long or just general cynicism and knowing that half of this crap IS staged. Hell, it might even be that I don’t want to believe that people can be as dimwitted as the marginally attractive young lady featured onstage alongside Mr. Foxworthy. Either way, it seems bizarrely exploitative, cheap, and painfully boring – just another outlet where nitwits can tune in and feel better about themselves, because at least they’re smarter than that girl on TV who was dumber than a 5th grader.
Posted by Jake at February 14, 2008 09:22 PM
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