September 11, 2006
Unwanted Alarm
11:24 p.m. I'm sleeping like the dead.
Suddenly, repeated horn honks break the silence. I wake up, confused. What the fuck is it? Is something wrong? Is it the RAV going apeshit? I stagger out of bed, throw on clothes, shoes, and run to the desk whereupon I rummage around for a few minutes trying to find the housekeys and car keys, all to the uneven chorus of a car horn.
Dashing out the door, I realize that my shirt's on backwards. Fuck. I manage to turn it the right way while running through the courtyard, out the yard, and down the stairs.
My feet hit sidewalk, and I dash around the corner to the garage. Nothing.
Suddenly, a series of honks comes from down the street.
Some lazy fucking piece of shit is parked in the street at 11:24 p.m., honking for their friend to come outside/wake up/just honking to be an asshole. I don't know what they're doing. Hell, I don't know what I'm doing.
So I naturally do the most rational thing possible...I storm out into the street, right into their headlights. They immediately stop honking, and behind the blazing lights I can see two pairs of eyes that are as wide as dinner plates.
I can't imagine what they thought, seeing a disheveled, pissed off-looking, bleary-eyed beast staggering into their headlamps, but whatever they thought, it consisted of "Maybe I'd better stop being an idiot."
But that's besides the point. What in the fuck possesses people to start aimlessly honking their horn in a residential area at 11:24 at night? I know that people are stupid, don't care, etc., but there has to be some other reason. If you've got two perfectly fucking good legs and enough brain cells to operate a motor vehicle, maybe it would do you good to get up off of your bovine hackles and amble your way up to the door of the person you're currently trying to summon and.....knock. No, really. Lift up your lard-engorged limb and knock once or twice. Ring the motherfucking doorbell.
Just DO. NOT. WAKE. ME. UP.
Posted by Jake at September 11, 2006 09:01 PM
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